WHOA...

We are less than a week away from the commencement of step one in the wedding planning process… well, step one and two… and frankly, I am TERRIFIED!!!

It seems like something that’s silly to be scared of, but I don’t like spending money. I don’t have any problem spending money at work, and I’m pretty confident that I would be happy to spend someone else’s money, but I really hate spending my own and this is going to be the largest purchase I’ve made in my entire life. I’ve never bought a car… my dad bought a car that I just recently paid off (hooray), but at $200 a month it wasn’t that scary because I didn’t write a big huge check that made me hyperventilate as I wrote more and more zeros. That’s what I’m about to embark on, and just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.
I know that I have to spend money on this wedding, but our budget is basically getting blown out of the water and I hate the idea of spending so much money on a party. At the same time, I want everyone who comes to have fun and enjoy themselves and I don’t want to cut too many corners on things because there will be people coming from a long way away to celebrate with us. They are people who are very important to us and they deserve more than a half-assed party.

I like having nice things and I want my wedding to be nice. J and I are both facility people… we notice when something looks dirty and when something looks cheap… that’s not what we want. We can’t afford a fancy hotel for our reception, but we want something classy, with character.

I absolutely, positively REFUSE to put any of our wedding costs on a credit card unless I can pay it off immediately. My wedding will not put me in to debt… I’ve never paid interest on a credit card and I’m certainly not going to start now!

Next week is going to be overwhelming for me, and I’m so excited to be able to put a picture in my head of what my wedding will look like… the tables, the flowers, the dance floor, the lighting… but I feel like it will also be the beginning of a lot of deep breaths and a lot of needed reassurance. J tells me that if there is something we want to do for our wedding, we are going to do it… I’m probably going to need to hear that a lot over the next 15 months.