A Difficult Realization

In the past week, I have had the opportunity to think not about who would be at my wedding to share this great day with me, but who will not be there. As I was at my aunt and uncle’s house spending time with my grandmother, whose condition cannot be described as anything other than dying, it made me realize that there are some very important people who I will miss deeply on my wedding day.

It was my expectation that I would not have any grandfathers with me on my wedding day… my dad’s dad passed away before I was born and my mom’s dad suffered in a bed ridden state for quite a few years before passing away last April.
Until recently, I expected that both of my Grandmothers would be alive to be a part of my wedding day. They have both always seemed so much younger than their years, both very active and without health problems. When my dad told me that my grandma (his mother) had gone to the doctor, that her cancer was back, and that she was going to let it take its course, it hit me very hard to know that things could change so quickly, and that I would not have someone so important to me at my wedding to celebrate.
In no way do I wish painful and prolonged suffering to anyone, especially someone like my grandmother who has lived an amazing life… I had to watch my grandfather go through that and it was horrible. I just never imagined, based on the life that she lived, that my grandma’s health could change so quickly.
I was so fortunate to get the chance to spend some time with her this week. I got to talk to her about her world travels, her and my grandfather and I got to tell her about some of the things that we have done for our wedding. Before I left on Friday, I asked her what her favorite flower was. She did not have a specific for me… she said that she liked them all, but she has always liked the peach/rose colors the best so I’ll have some of that color in my wedding bouquet for her.
I know that J and his family will be especially thoughtful of the fact that his dad will not be with us to celebrate our wedding.  I can not imagine how hard it would be to not have my dad with me on my wedding day.  I believe that his spirit along with my grandparents' will be with us on that day, and I hope we can find a few ways to honor them on that day.